Did you know that Cheating is truly a choice?

When one hears the word cheating typically one’s mind equates it with relationships, marriages (i.e. spouses), and folk stepping out. It is also connected to somebody doing somebody else wrong rather than the associations of illegalities in regards to the law. One can also couple cheating with lying, tricking someone, deception and the act of imposition. There are websites on how to retaliate on cheaters, discussions on talk shows on how to survive cheating; with experts on both sides of the fence teaching forgiveness and harmonious relationships after the act has occurred.  One could spend all day just breaking down the terms and thought processes around cheating and its affects and effects. Yet today, I want to cut through the chase and look at it from a spiritual perspective.

It is with clarity and understanding that we live within the confines and construct of rules in regards to relationships; and many theories and thought processes are based on culture, environment, societal relationships and or norms. To peruse generational components in history deemed that one family was given the direction to begin the population of the earth (Adam and Eve). So basically there was quite a bit of co-mingling in regards to familial relationships present. Eventually as time moved along, the earth became populated. Kings had their pick of wives; however I’m sure no one notified the Shulammite wife that she was probably 610 on a scale of almost 1,000. Or it is quite possible she was aware because of time she lived in? It might have even been acceptable to her she wasn’t the only one; and it could be Solomon’s game was so tight that she was a lost cause on the first few words out of his mouth. In those times women learned to share, while men conquered in war, territorial possessions and at the home front. For the history of my people; our women were impregnated for the sake of propagating slave labor and raped for the pleasure of men who power tripped and had no consideration for men or women whose blood color that ran through their veins was of the same color as their own.

The reality is cheating is truly an act of selfish desire. I realize that studies show that men think about sex every 5-7 seconds and clearly we live in a world where according to societal norms cheating is normal. However, based upon God’s concept it is not. Whether a man had two or three wives and concubines, he was still required to stay within that relationship. Leviticus 20 speaks of both parties, the man and the woman being put to death – this was under the law.  There are many scriptures that speak to the actions of cheating and the consequences. So with an understanding, one might begin to approach the thought process of actions and consequences and the affect and effects of the marriage and community structure. We can no longer just accept that men cheat; for now women have now begun to roll just like the men. Some do it for lack of affection, while others do it for the love of sex. Regardless of the why’s it truly is a lack of discipline on either party’s part. See the first time might be hard for one’s conscious and heart allows one to feel remorse, but in reality the second time around it becomes easier and a continuation of sequential actions now makes cheating “normal”.

Rarely does the cheater look at the people that are hurt in the process and seldom do they truly process the outcome. Most men are apt to think if they get caught they will be forgiven or “it’s no big deal, everyone does it”, “it’s part of life”. There is no fear of the consequence or more so God himself. When one lacks a true relationship with the Almighty; the consideration of where He stands in view of one’s life has little affect in the assumption of carrying out sinful desires. Or one is quick to say, “God will forgive me”. Yet I want you to think about this, what if God chose to take your life in the process? What if you lost your wife or relationship? What if life-threatening diseases are incurred based on that very last act of cheating?  See we as responsible people must begin to look at the end of a matter before we embark on the beginning of a matter. Learn to look down the length of time and make decisions accordingly. Learn to make healthier non-selfish decisions.

My divorce was a product of continual cheating. Apparently, he chose (the ex) to make decisions based on his own personal thought process. However, I am not responsible for his actions; I was and am only responsible for mine. Clearly he thought that his continual cheating would only produce an outcome of forgiveness and life would go on. However, one episode became the final act that was forgivable; but required I take action to release him out of my life in regards to our marriage. So it is with understanding that I can share the effects of spouses that cheat. Those sequential and non-conformable acts forever changed the life of me and my children. I can share this with you with no hint of malice or bitterness. Yet it is with clarity that I state cheating ALWAYS touches someone’s life. Many people around town knew my story when the details became available, yet they do not know me. Even now, every once in a while I come across someone who is aware of the effects but not the affects because they don’t know me personally.  I am healed…now…but back then there was a sense of not having anywhere to hide or dwell from prying eyes and people who made a choice to be just plain out right inquisitive…excuse me I mean nosy…lol. There is no shadow of doubt in my mind that God became my sustainer of my life but more so my mind. There were days I walked around in constant pain, and felt that everyone I encountered could see through me; and often I had a sense of rawness that exuded within my spirit for I truly thought others had the ability to see my various pains. Even now it is hard to explain, I guess I might equate it to your skin being raw, like someone had scrapped the skin with a knife until all you see is shredded meat (flesh), tendons, veins and cartilage. Bro/Sis, I was one shattered soul. Oh, I thank God for His comforting arms as He taught me to stand and become resilient at all costs.

I believe that every time you choose to act out of selfishness and make a decision to sin, you open up spiritual doors in your life. Even when you supposedly “fall” into a situation, you have given the enemy a legal right to have access in your life. Now I am aware that for some people they truly do not care. But today I want to speak to your spirit man. See the problem with the enemy attacking our lives is he is quite aware of whom each of us is and what we are supposed to be in Christ. Hence, he knows his access to our lives is based on our past, immediate and future actions; and if he can keep us in the dark we never truly reach the goals that God has set for us.

See your life is not just about obtaining your goals, but more so the relationship with God directly. It was and still is His desire for each of us to imitate Him. Mind you none of us is perfect nor will we ever reach perfection; however we do strive for it…(and for this we labor and strive), that we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all men, and especially of those who believe (1 Timothy 4:10)…So I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man (Acts 24:16) I can hear someone now….but I can’t stop, that is because every door you have opened has opened another door, every time you have given the enemy access through the act of sex, more behaviors and thought processes and attacks (from satan) become more accessible; and you need to go through a process of spiritual deliverance. It might not be easy, BUT it can be done. Begin today by asking God for assistance and share with Him in prayer (communication) your true heart’s desire; and ask Him for a change in lifestyle. Because man (woman) is a triune spirit then all that we do and act upon affects our body, soul and spirit. Learn to look for spiritual food, feed your soul and spirit and God will help you control your mind which translates to your eyes and actions.

Lord we ask with that everyone who is reading this right now become of aware of the issues in their life that they need assistance. We ask that you give them a spirit of forgiveness towards those that cheated on them and a spirit of repentance for those who have perpetrated the acts. In your word you told us that if we ask it shall be given to us and if we have faith as the grain of a mustard seed, our faith will grow. I ask that this word be planted on good ground and ask that you send someone else in each person’s life to water it and assist in their growth in You. I speak deliverance to every spirit that binds and hinders in Jesus name and ask that you send not only spiritual guidance but your ministering angels to stand for every attack that might come their way. To every spirit of torment, I send peace, to every generational curse in regards to cheating and unclean spirits; I send joy, clarity and speak release. We ask these things in Your name. Amen.

Go in peace and I speak peace and blessings into YOUR life.

Seek to know that you might grow.


August 5, 2010



  1. So well written Bee and on point. Was just having this conversation with family and hiw it devastates and just saying I’m sorry is not enough. You don’t fix that kind of pain overnight contrary to popular belief.

  2. So well written Bee and on point. Was just having this conversation with family and how it devastates. After cheating, just saying I’m sorry is not enough. It’s not enough for me. You don’t fix that kind of pain overnight contrary to popular belief.

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