Changing the face of relationships means that we will all have to work together for change – Part III

Did you miss Part I and Part II?

Changing the face of relationships means that we will all have to work together for change. We are all change-agents in some way shape or form.

My mind has been swirling the past few days with so many different thoughts.

Whatever happened to two people who decided to ‘BE TOGETHER’  learn to ‘WALK TOGETHER’?

It amazes me when I hear of selfish thoughts, components and or actions/reactions surrounding relationships and marriages. I’m not talking about light-weight selfishness but the selfishness that speaks to ‘What’s in it for ME’? That type of selfishness is huge and my immediate reaction is “WOW”! Now I have different types of WOW factors; one is a warning, you are stepping on dangerous ground. Another is I’m in disbelief and the other is cynical. This week it’s the Disbelief WOW.

Let me explain why…..

Marriages/Relationships take work and it takes two people from two different backgrounds to DECIDE to work together to accomplish ONENESS! Notice I said DECIDE, for it is a decision YOU internally make to BE with the other person. Which also means YOU must bring YOUR HONEST SELF to the table—no COUNTERFEITS ALLOWED, and decisions should not be based on: money, sex or any other factor that doesn’t take the other person into consideration.

This week all around me my listening ear has been in tune to life stories of other people. One sis saw another sis’ poppin ring and you know the drill…SHE NOW WANTS ONE. Ask yourself why is it necessary to have what others have? Why is it necessary to be seen as accumulating wealth? Here’s a Bee Thought to Ponder: Is it more about ourselves and how we view who WE ARE internally more so than an outward element? Hmmm…. Now you and I both KNOW she is going to harass her husband until she obtains something similar. BTW Sis, if YOU are rarely satisfied, that is ON YOU, not your HUSBAND/MAN. Someone has to say it. Happy is as HAPPY DOES, and no one person determines our happiness. Being satisfied is a decision – a cognitive thinking process. (Philippians 4:11)

Scenario # 2

When YOU decide to be with a man you must consider ALL his qualities (and I hope you are making a healthy choice); and once you have evaluated his character and peeped out all his behavior quirks then you can decide. Once you’ve been around him long enough you are AWARE of his lack and or surplus, his work ethics, does he cheat etc. Ladies, let me add this in – please stop thinking YOU can change a man—it’s NOT gonna happen! A man must make his OWN choice to adjust to you just as you adjust to him. Did you see that word ADJUST? Did you know a man must adjust to the woman he decides to love? Ohhhh, I hear another blog for the ladies—stay tuned. Anyway, in his adjustment he has to rearrange HIS life to fit YOU into it on every level. Can I make this statement? Most men typically do NOT ask a woman to marry him UNLESS he has logically figured out how HE believes SHE fits into HIS LIFE. So, with that being said, sis, if HE has asked you and you are aware of where he is financially be considerate. The size of the ring does NOT determine HIS LOVE! If he can afford something larger and decides small—it could be he’s purchased YOU a house or is saving for college funds or something else of value. Trust me if YOU already know he has a selfish trait then determine if things can be worked out. If he can’t afford what you want pay attention to this next paragraph, and remember what I said about being considerate. We all can choose to build a person up or crush a heart.

I remember hearing the story from my grandparents (Oliver’s), that when my grandfather asked my grandmother to marry him he had basically nothing (if I am quoting it correct he had less than a dollar in his pocket) and a sixth grade education. WOW! In addition, I was told that my other grandparents (Gooding’s) used to bring groceries to my grandparents in the early days. YET, the last few cars my grandfather (Walter J. Oliver) purchased before his death he purchased them with CASH. Enough said.  Sis, I think you get my point.

We all bring something to the table when it comes to love but you cannot expect what YOU are not willing to give and you cannot give what you do not have in YOUR possession. We ALL want love, but having love is a learned behavior and having love means we are willing to work so that healthy behaviors are manifested in OUR lives.

Love is a choice – choose to love in appropriate times and seasons. Choose to love without thought and without measure.  Down with selfishness UP with LOVE!

Seek to know that YOU might grow.
Our community and our families need each of us to do our part but more so become a change agent to CHANGE THE FACE OF RELATIONSHIPS! That’s what I’m here for, are you?

2/28/12 6:22 AM

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