Changing the face of relationships means that we will all have to work together for change – Part II

Did you miss Part I?

Changing the face of relationships means that we will all have to work together for change. We are all change-agents in some way shape or form.

Recently I had a conversation with Anthony Antunes. Somewhere along the course of the conversation we ended up talking about relationships and the effect it has on us and society as a whole. I want to extract just one component from the conversation for today’s thought, but plan on continuing some of the thought processes later.

I know, I know, I’ve been talking about relationships and communication for a while. Well, I will continue to until I’m blue in the face or some of us (including me make some changes), LOL. So is your seat belt fastened? Are you sitting down? Leggo!

I want to quote Tony for a moment to give us the construct of the conversation and the thought process I have in mind.
Belinda, respect in this day in age is quite different from what you and I are accustom to…respect from the way I see it as well as experienced it is based upon that particular moment….same goes with relationships. I found that people in general treat relationships and respect as though it was a light switch…. A favorite saying I learned in school….(WIIFM) – WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME….that is the base line most general people have taken… So for the women/men who step out on their marriages/relationships….there was nothing there from the beginning….. at the end, relationships/marriage has become more of a conveniences…

So today’s topic is about CHEATING. I’ve mentioned before that ‘Cheating is a Choice’ but what also needs to be addressed is why many of us think it’s OK to cheat. I’ve listened to the pros and cons presented by both sides (men/women) and somewhere along the line in my opinion it just doesn’t add up. You can’t be the ‘side-chick’ or ‘cheating dude’ and really think it’s OK and express the concept that it’s all the man’s fault. Whether you understand it or not and whether society deems it OK – – it is NOT! It’s quite possible that no one explained it to you in your familial structure or presented you with the destructive habits and karma (as some folk call it) that befalls you.


Quite possibly YOU have never been in a truly happy relationship/marriage thus you can’t identify with the eroding behaviors that cheating causes. In fact, you might think abuse, lying, cheating, sneaking and creeping is the ‘NORM’. Well, I’m here to state it is NOT THE NORM and both parties are accountable. The bottom line is respect draws the line on so many angles. Cheating denotes you don’t respect your partner or yourself. Cheating says, “I’m making a choice to engage in behaviors because I’m choosing to not honor my commitment to the person I’m dealing with (at the moment)”. Cheating says, “I’m a wuss”. Hmm..Yeah I know, it’s not a word you hear too often and I’m probably dating myself, LOL. But keeping it 100, cheating says I choose NOT to work at what engages my interest. Cheating says you are susceptible to hit-it and quit-it relationships.

Today, I just told one of my friends that everybody wants love but many of us are not willing to work for the healthy component. Sigh. People, love is free but it takes work to manifest healthy behaviors. Love is an action word and yes it stands alone with no help but it NEEDS assistance to continue to maintain and give to another person. You cannot state you love a person and not communicate. You cannot state you love a person and CHOOSE TO CHEAT.

Love is a choice – choose to love in appropriate times and seasons. Choose to love without thought and without measure. Chose wise, healthy love and once you are on that road, choose NOT to cheat.

Seek to know that YOU might grow.

Our community and our families need each of us to do our part but more so become a change agent to CHANGE THE FACE OF RELATIONSHIPS! That’s what I’m here for, are you?

2/17/11 1:51 PM


  1. Lillian Patterson says:

    if people would only listen to this women she spoke truth without judgement so i say thank you my sister

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