Bee’s Wisdom Hive – I cannot hate on him when I was a willing participator!

Sis, can I drop some words into your spirit? We as women are powerful when we are on one accord and standing in God’s presence and His mission and call on our lives. That is when we are truly validated as the daughter He has called us to be…then and ONLY THEN are WE a true Queen.

Recently I did a post on my Facebook page that sparked a comment from one of the brother’s. #TLDM #HowToLoveYourBlackMan How can you hate the one you laid down with? I didn’t hear you say that when you were moaning with pleasure! #RealTalk #Choices

Basically, he said he wanted to hear more; and I concur with him. A few years ago, I began that hashtag to pour into my community as only a Black Woman can. I’ve raised three young African American males and a sis is quite aware our men get a bad rap. In fact, did you know some of us are used for target practice in other communities (insert deep sarcasm here). Yet, when we are targeted among our own, that is the highest form of disrespect. Thus, I will do my part to change the game!

I received a bit of clap back because the posts only addressed Black Men and one woman got quite defensive even after an explanation to her that I am of mixed race. Oh well! Then there were women of the Caucasian persuasion that also clapped back and, so I added any to the concept, i.e. How To Love Your Black Man or ANY man. That seemed to quiet the naysayers! Yet I digress!

To my royal Black Queens, if you choose to open up your legs to him, as the posts denotes do not hate him later. Unless you were forced, YOU WERE WILLING! As I listen to us, I begin to wonder if self-hate is involved. Is it? Here is my response to the brother on my post:

“I often think we are a society of self-hate. For example, we marry somebody light and then say we want a brown baby. Who does that? LOL I have two caramel color children and one chocolate. Their father was dark, I am light, what was I expecting (if I was of that mind state)? As far as hair goes, two have mixture of their father, while middle boy has my curl pattern. It’s all about genetics. Who has the stronger genes.”

Yet, as we delve into this topic is there something deeper at work? I am a single mom. Actually, I’m a divorced mom. I was married to the father of my children for thirteen years. I hated going to court. I met some of the most selfish people there. You don’t believe me? Read the account for yourself here, in “Having sex outside of marriage is selfish.” Clearly, those experiences taught me that many of us ladies try to stick it to the men we lay down with because of our own personal issues.

Listen Loves, please don’t get it twisted. I’m quite aware that there are men who are not on point; but have you ever tried to build rather than tear down? Have you ever tried to take the ‘high’ road rather than the one beneath your queenly status? Again, is there something else coming into play?

I’m a bit rusty in my blogging for it’s been ages. I’m going to leave this right here, and possibly I’ll pick it up later. This one thought might help you to rethink your strategy. Has it occurred to you that certain races do NOT want us to have strong families? Yes, this turned from the concept of pleasure to higher level of cognitive thinking! See strong families represents a strong community. It symbolizes concepts, ideas and boundless energy. We are natural creators!

A few years ago, I wrote a research paper for an IDS class. The title, “The concept of nuclear marriages in the African American home has evolved from 1750 until today.” During the research I was blown away about information I was not taught in school.  Here’s an excerpt:

African American’s lost many cultural rights, rites of passage and family life as they were brought to America. It became the “norm” for families to be torn apart and familiar structure as they knew it began to crumble as they entered the United States.  However, African Americans have a strong constitution and in spite of the many changes that began to affect and effect their culture many were determined to survive. Often the challenge(s) that a race faces in society encourages them to endure, and clearly many slaves suffered from the attack on the African American nuclear family.

Research tells us that a nuclear family unit is spear headed by a father and a mother and that unit shapes the character and integrity of a child. In addition it reaffirms a child’s structure and how that child will function in society. Information that a child gleans in regards to content is provided and configured by parental guidance. According to Moynihan (March, 1965) “A fundamental insight of psychoanalytic theory, for example, is that the child learns a way of looking at life in his early years through which all later experience is viewed and which profoundly shapes his adult conduct.” (Chapter II)

Many believe that history repeats itself and that African Americans have suffered an injustice unlike any other ethnicity in America. What is interesting is that in 1965 the Moynihan Report covered statistics of the family according to classes. He said,

“By contrast, the family structure of lower class Negroes is highly unstable, and in many urban centers is approaching complete breakdown. What then is that problem? We feel the answer is clear enough. Three centuries of injustice have brought about deep-seated structural distortions in the life of the Negro American. At this point, the present tangle of pathology is capable of perpetuating itself without assistance from the white world. The cycle can be broken only if these distortions are set right.” (Chapter II)

There is a point of agreement in his statement but there is also a point of contrast, for Herbert Gutman researched the Black Family during a period of slavery and freedom during the years of 1750-1925 and discovered that many African Americans held fast to the nuclear family standards.  Can the concept be considered that part of the deterioration stems from slavery? There is a strong possibility, but there are also other factors to consider if slavery had an impact on family pathology and one must examine the context and content of that process. For example, did a father’s desertion through slavery influence the concept of the nuclear family? How does illegitimacy and broken home comes into play? Did families living in an urban or rural environment remain intact of a family structure?

The paper was not my best work. It was a struggle between my natural voice and research aka academic writing. The professor ripped into me about departing from academic writing. Then she turned around and gave me 14 points and said we love it when you depart from the norm, and then told me to write the book. Stay tuned.

Loves, I said all of this to say this, let’s attempt to work on us and BUILD rather than destroy in this next season.

Love ya sis and BE BLESSED until we meet again…My prayers are with you Queen and remember to watch your tone, not just with men but with everyone you interact with on a daily basis for you never know what doors you might OPEN OR CLOSE based on your communication skills.



9:00 AM

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