Bee’s Wisdom Hive – I GOT A CRUSH ON YOU!!

Sis, can I drop some words into your spirit? We as women are powerful when we are on one accord and standing in God’s presence and His mission and call on our lives. That is when we are truly validated as the daughter He has called us to be…then and ONLY THEN are WE a true Queen.

Cue the music for “I GOT A CRUSH ON YOU!”

How many remember the song, “I got a crush on you” by the Jet’s? Or give me a show of hands of those who have ever had a crush…BEE RAISING BOTH HANDS..LOL. But seriously sis, that’s what I want to address with you today…”A CRUSH”.

One definition I thought was interesting is, The act of crushing; extreme pressure.  I prefer to use this definition because I want to help us all understand some key points about a crush. Crushes are based on emotional euphoria not actual events or actions. Think about it sis, when you have a crush on a bro, you ONLY SEE him according to YOUR PERSPECTIVE. The brother could be a ‘wolf bro’ and because you see something in him you desire you ignore ALL THE WARNING SIGNS. Here’s a blog I did on “Wolf Brotha’s” cos they are only after ONE THING…THAT THING! And you can never compromise your values for them

Seriously, if love is a decision, which means action, how can a crush be attributed to love?

See sis your crush is just a crush. I’m not denying that you are NOT attracted to him; I just want you to be sensible about your attraction and not confuse his KINDNESS with something different. Stay with me, I do have a thought to share.

Because most of us carry pain and hurt, the reality is when we meet a KIND bro, many of us don’t know how to engage a proper encounter with him. Many of us often mistake his kindness and THINK he’s attracted to us.  Remember I said often a crush is based on YOUR PERSONAL PERSPECTIVE. Perspective is HOW WE VIEW things according to who we are. Psychology answers it this way in a nutshell – perception is based on your background, environment and culture. Thus, if you’ve not grown up with KIND OR GOOD MEN…you very well might read inappropriate signs and get your signals crossed.

Here’s an example of a nice guy:

I have a very good friend Sean. I LOVE SEAN!! Lol…He always looks out for me and we always have each other’s back. He has told me that often women get their signals crossed when it comes to him. Girl, I have been in a store with him and watched him just ‘BE NICE’ to the salesgirl (btw he is a very engaging brother…lol). Based on her reactions to his interaction with her I could see she was being pulled in. But, that’s not the kicker…across the room was another sista – Latino – and she was just staring at my boi…LOL! Mind you she was with ANOTHER man…smh..of course she didn’t know I was studying the whole scenario. S/N Sean is married and clearly not stepping out but he just believes in being hospitable. Yet this speaks to how women’s thought process is very different from a man, particularly when it comes to men who are just outright kind. I’m quite sure that when we left the store the salesgirl and the woman across the room had to exhale (smile).

So point number 1 is if a brother is kind; accept his kindness without dwelling on anything else. Don’t allow your emotions to start processing inappropriately; for often it does not mean he is after you nor hunting you. Keeping it 100 a lot of my male friends have horror stories when it comes to this – like women buying wedding dresses w/out any indication of a marriage proposal from a brother. Lord help us women!

Point number 2 is if a brother sees lack in you and he is a KIND man; and God gives him permission to speak into your life don’t make the assumption that it is anything more than that. This happens frequently to the male leaders in our churches. Women see an anointed man and make a beeline for him. Most don’t seem to care if he’s married or involved.

Sis did it occur to you that there is a woman in his life that has put some work in for a bro? She’s the one that stood by him, prayed for him, building him up that he can stand and minister to you? Thought to ponder…

The problem with most of us ladies is we are so selfish that when we see something we want we NEVER CONSIDER the fallout of our actions. We are like children in a candy store with a sweet tooth that will steal if necessary to satisfying our craving of sweetness. We rarely listen to the voice of God when HE speaks (you can call it your conscience if you like) and are HELL-BENT ON OUR PERSONAL SATISFACTION.

My last point for the day is that because so many of us HAVE NOT HEALED PROPERLY it never occurs to us that we are unable to DEPOSIT anything worthwhile into that man that we are craving…oops..I mean crushing on. Sis a deep well is deep; and if you lived all your life in the city, you are unfamiliar with the beach or ocean. Different settings and atmospheres require different upkeep. Now I’m not saying one day you won’t be able to deposit deepness into a man but the reality is you must learn to build  before you can release…and nah I’m NOT talking about sex – see I know some of our minds went there…Lol.

Sis learn not to seek validation from a man…let me leave you with something to ponder..when your self-esteem is low that brother sees it all over you based on your interaction with him or the way you choose to dress. If you missed my blog on why most women are seeking validation from a man go check it out.

My prayer for you today is that you will become whole for a crush can never sustain a healthy relationship.

Be blessed until we meet again…My prayers are with you Queen

Bee

6/20/11

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